I do the grocery shopping. My wife hates it, and I actually
kind of like it, so that’s my domain. But I have grocery store issues.
More correctly, I have people-in-grocery-store issues.
It’s the woman waddling down the isle with her cell phone
attached to her ear that you can’t get past. It’s the person perfectly capable
of getting out of their car, walking across the parking lot and into the store,
but then plop their rump into a motorized shopping cart. I can’t get past them
either.
Just the other day, I waited to get a shopping cart while
the guy in front of me spent a half hour wiping down his cart with a Sani-Wipe.
You’re not washing your car, man, get out of my way!
I don’t like kids in grocery stores. I don’t blame the kids,
I blame you. You are a terrible parent and let them run around like a pack of
wild dogs. Or you are a wonderful parent who makes them sit in the cart and
keep their hands to themselves, and they cry the whole time. Either way, you should
have chained them to the bumper while you shopped.
Check-out is a whole ‘nother issue.
Pick a line. Doesn’t matter. You’re going to be behind that
person that needs to pay for the first one hundred items one way, then pay for
next one hundred another way. Or the lady with 4,000 coupons. Or the lady that
pays with just the right amount of cash. It’ll take her four years to count out
23 cents she needs because it’s mostly pennies. Pennies should be outlawed.
Here’s another favorite: me waiting in line while you argue
with the clerk that grapes are supposed to be 30 cents off this week. The clerk then has to find a newspaper insert
so that together you can find the page it’s on so that you can point out to her
that you are right and she can point out to you that it’s the green grapes that
are 30 cents off, not the red ones.
Bonus points for you if you then want to go back and swap for
the ‘on sale’ grapes while I wait.
If you’re in the ‘15 items or less’ line, I’m behind you
counting your items. Though I must admit I was recently “that guy.” I’m waiting
to check out with an almost full buggy when the cashier at the 15-or-less line
motioned me over. She had no one waiting and assured me it was fine.
How long do you think it took for someone to come up to that
line with just three items? If you said,
“about 10 seconds”, you’re a winner every time.