Random Thoughts

I saw a lady wearing a tank top with the colors of the American flag. It read “free and proud.” I thought that could be pretty funny if she was braless.

Any time I see a donkey, he looks sad. Is that how Eeyore got his personality, or do I emote Eeyore on all donkeys? Maybe they’re sad because people like me yell, “Jackass!!” every time we pass a donkey. I even roll down the window to do that sometimes.

When people ask, “Where has the time gone?” I always want to say, “To your butt, it appears.” But I usually don’t.

 *

I quit saying, “Makes you want to slap yo’ mama” when my Mama said she’d slap me back. She said it like she meant it.

*

If your last name is Screws, does it really matter what your first name is?

It’s not that I hate carrots, it’s just that if I’m going to put that much effort into chewing something, it ought to taste better.

*

When I saw the car tag, HVN SNT, ‘heaven sent’ didn’t immediately occur to me. Perhaps because the car was parked in the hospital parking lot, my initial thought was ‘HAVING SNOT’.

* 

If I ever get my own state, I’m gonna call it Potato. When someone asks me where I live, I think it would be fun to say, “North Potato.”

* 

Ever notice that when someone is telling a story, and they say, “Anyway, to make a long story short…”, it’s always way too late for that?

 *

My wife tells me that a half pound bag of Peanut M&Ms before I go to bed is not good for me. There’s a good chance I may never know if she’s right.