Read all about it!!
I shy away from writing about current events. Two weeks later, the event is no longer current, so why would anyone go back and read my story?
Translated: I write classic stuff for the ages.
If I write something on events specific to today, who’s gonna care 700 years from now in 2720?
But if I write about how cats are superior to humans, my words will resonate now, then wind up in future science textbooks. Probably in a class cats take call Humans 101: How To Train Them.
I have written on current events a couple of times. The Gay Apocalypse comes to mind. It was brilliant! And so spot on, mate!
It was 2015 and the Supreme Court was a month away from voting on legalizing gay marriage. In that story, I proclaimed with certainty they would allow it.
I was right, but that is soooo yesterday, man. Other than it proves me a modern day Nostradamus, why read it today?
Still, while it’s perhaps not a timeless literary classic, it might one day prove me to be a genius of history. I’ll settle for that.
But y’all, there’s too much oddity to ignore coming out of CORVID-19, a/k/a the coronavirus.
When a recent survey indicated 38% of Americans won’t drink a Corona beer right now, my response was…
38%? Surprising. I thought the American stupidity quotient was way higher than that.
Let’s pause to make sure we’re on the same page. Almost 4 in every 10 Americans apparently feel like Corona Beer has something to do with Coronavirus. (I’m good a math, too.)
Now, let’s time-jump forward. I’m the keynote speaker for the graduating class (of cats?) in 2720, and I’ve been asked to speak on the ‘Plague of 2020.’
*ahem*
OK, what had happened was…
A virus was sweeping the world, slowly. People in every country gettin’ sick.
Among the afflicted were some passengers on a big cruise ship. The ship had completed a visit to over 50 countries and as it returned to U.S waters, 21 of the 3,500 people on board appeared to have the virus.
Because of that, as the boat arrived back in San Francisco, passengers were not allowed to disembark and go home. Instead they were quarantined on the boat.
In Southern Baptist-speak, these were ‘the sick and shut-in.’
A few days later, asked about those passengers, the President of the United States said he preferred them to remain on the ship.
Here are his words:
“I’d rather have the people stay, but I’d go with them (them being his
people in charge of managing the government response). I told them to make the final decision. I would rather—because I like the numbers being where they are. I don’t need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn’t our fault.”
Translated: if we have to add those 21 people to the total number of people already infected in the U.S., that might make me look bad.
Y’all, if 200 people walking the streets of San Francisco are purple, and 200 people on a boat in San Francisco Bay are purple, there’s 400 purple people in San Francisco right there. (Told you I was good at math.)
I know you students like referencing past presidents by pictures. Lincoln was the ugly one, Taft was the fat one, Obama was the brown one. The president that said this was the orange one.
Now let’s drop back to the present and its accompanying virus.
I was wandering the aisles of a grocery store the other day and heard two women talking.
“You see me run? I got the h- out of there. Nuh-uh, you ain’t gonna give me corona!”
Not the end. I had the pleasure of listening to them as we moved into the next aisle together.
“I saw that m-f- coming and I’m like, you ain’t givin’ me corona.”
This now bleeds into one of my most sincere gripes these days.
Young, old, black, white, men and women… they’s too many of us using nasty language in public places without caring about who it offends.
Show some class and clean up your mouth when others can hear.
Sorry, jumped the track for a moment.
This is about Corona, isn’t it.
I’ll take two, please. With lime.