More Tea, Sugar?

This story has taken 65 years and 3 days to come together.

Three days in which I heard or saw affirmation of my Southern upbringing, 65 years of knowing it’s real.

Lifted from a Kentucky friend’s Facebook post

My doctor’s PA calls me ‘baby.’

I love that.

She has kids and a husband and being probably 30 years younger than me, so I suspect she’s not after my rockin’ bod.

She’s just being a Southern woman. Kind and attentive.

Baby, darlin’, sugar… ain’t no man with Southern blood mind a little verbal affection from a woman tending to him, hon.

Add ‘hon’ to that list. It could be ‘honey’ but why use two syllables when you can get by with one?

Come to think of it, rewrite the whole list and let’s shorten baby and sugar to babe and sug. It’s probably spelled ‘shug.’ That would give it the same treatment we give the word ‘fridge’ when shortening ‘refrigerator.’ Completely change the spelling.

Darlin’ has yet to be successfully shortened.

Q: Does everyone in the South like being addressed by these terms of endearment?

A: No.

Why is that, you ask?

Explaining things like this is one of the reasons you subscribe to this blog. I know stuff. I’m a stuff knower.

This particular problem is genetic. Certain Southerners have a genetic disorder passed down from a parent or grandparent that once lived in one of the “I” countries:

Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Ohio, Missouri… the list gets long and includes New York and New Jersey despite the fact their names don’t contain that specific letter.

People in those countries are not always the friendliest.

Nebraska, by the way, is not an “I” country. I stopped in a little-town diner in Nebraska once and was immediately addressed as ‘sugar.’ That leads me to believe Nebraska was probably a Southern state at one time but was victimized by continental drift.

Just a guess.

But this brings us to my friend’s post pictured above. He lives in Kentucky, so why does he have to come back to his home state of Georgia to get the loving attention he desires from a friendly waitress?

Isn’t Kentucky in the South?

Again, you’ve come to the right source for an explanation.

Kentucky has it’s fine points. It’s beautiful, for one. And there’s Kentucky bourbon. But I’ve found that once you get north of Tennessee, calling yourself a Southern state and being a Southern state gets a little tricky.

In the case of Kentucky, specifically, it is bordered by three of the aforementioned “I” countries, so there’s no way it can escape being somewhat influenced by them.

The people in those countries are not evil, mind you, but generally tend to lack the warmth and charm to work in a proper Southern diner.

I’ve often wondered if Waffle House has a handbook. Their people are always so well-trained.

Or maybe they’ve simply hired servers smart enough to know… (sing it) you don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’… but I’m gonna leave a bigger tip if you do.

It’s my own way of saying thanks, hon.