Marketing To Dummies
Toilet paper wants your *ahem* business.
"Enjoy the go.”
“Let’s talk about care down there.”
If you don’t watch much TV, these words are how toilet paper companies are trying to peddle their product to you.
I find ‘enjoy the go’ the most interesting. Imagine this instead:
“Hey, gotta take a poop? Do you like taking a poop? No? Then use our toilet paper. Our toilet paper makes taking a poop lots of fun!”
Isn’t that what they’re basically saying?
I don’t buy the notion anybody’s TP makes ‘the go’ more fun but being without it would certainly be no fun.
Since my career in radio was financed by advertising, I admit to paying more attention to ads than most people. But honestly, I enjoy seeing how products are marketed.
A lot has changed.
I logged onto a university’s website the other day to buy tickets to a sporting event and noticed several sponsors’ logos. Two of them for alcohol.
Advertising alcohol on a school’s website? Not too long ago, that was unheard of.
Also changed, advertising liquor. Until fairly recently, there was no liquor advertising on television or radio.
Fun fact: in order to advertise liquor, the rules are there must be reliable data that 71.6% of the audience is over 21.
Let that sink in for just a moment, then ask yourself, what idiot came up with that number?
Not nice round figures like 70% or 75%. Not even 71%.
71.6%. That’s nuts.
Underwear used to be advertised a lot. Not so much anymore, it seems. Can’t remember the last time I saw an ad for a bra.
Personal products are all the rage. Especially for men.
We used to see tons of ads for treatment of ED. Now we’re seeing more ads for companies that market those products.
“Yo, bro! No need to be seen buying that stuff. We’ll ship it right to your front door!”
Speaking of ED, I wonder if anyone names their kid Ed anymore?
And I don’t know who came up with the idea of using misshaped vegetables for a certain condition involving a man’s privates, but I would have loved to have heard that conversation at the advertising strategy meeting.
“Anybody got any ideas on how we market this?”
“I do, boss! I was fixin’ dinner last night and looked at my yellow squash - and bingo! An idea hit like a lightning bolt. Then, I was making the salad and one of cucumbers was crooked. Carrots, bananas… everything was bent!”
These are a few of my crookedest things…
Brilliant.
A feminine hygiene product’s advertisement provided me with one of my favorite things to say on my morning show.
Being a station that targeted young adult women (soccer moms), we did a lot of celebrity news. And being that soccer moms often have kids with them, using polite words was important.
Whenever a dude was in the news for acting up - think Charlie Sheen’s career imploding - I liked referring to him as being ‘as fresh as a summer’s eve.’
If you are a younger reader, googlize that phrase. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them advertise
Well, that’s all for now. Gotta go!
Sure hope I enjoy it.