If you are not from the South, give me a moment here with my people. The title has probably thrown them off. They may think I’m about to feed them.
Fixin’ food in the South typically means somebody’s about to eat.
“What’re y’all fixin’ for supper tonight?”
It is in fact perfectly proper to say you’re fixin’ to fix dinner.
What I am proposing here is actually correcting what’s wrong with food. What we need is some good ol’ genetic engineering.
It can be done. There are scientists doing some cool food stuff.
Banana trees have been developed that can actually produce fruit as far north as Georgia. Science.
Science in citrus, too. I bought a tangerine tree last year that is cold tolerant down to 20°. Paid $60 for that sucker only to find out it’s the root ball that is freeze tolerant. The tree itself, not so much.
Left outside, the tree part will have to start over every year if the temp gets too cold.
My fix for that is to make a rolling platform. The tree will over-winter in the garage.
Meals on wheels. Orange and tangerine.
So the citrus thing isn’t perfect yet. However, if I’m growing tangerines in North Georgia, that’s progress.
And let’s us remind ourselves of a time when there were no seedless watermelons. Now, seedless is the most popular watermelon.
But there’s plenty of work that need doing on other food.
FLAWED FOODS
Cabbage.
Nobody - nobody - eats cabbage without serious alterations. It gets pickled, boiled or shredded and tossed with carrots, onions, pickles and mayonnaise into coleslaw.
I would argue that coleslaw is the only thing cabbage is good for. And let’s be real, coleslaw is all about disguising the cabbage into something edible.
Before we move past this subject, try Googling coleslaw.
It’s Cole slaw, cole slaw, Coleslaw and coleslaw. There seems to be no consensus on whether it is one or two words or whether or not it’s capitalized.
If you didn’t know that, please pause for a moment and thank me for the enlightenment.
Enhancing lives, it’s what I do.
Staying with the cabbage theme, here it comes again. Little cabbages. Brussels spouts.
I’ve said it before, I do not like Brussels sprouts.
I had them twice last week. I was taught to eat what’s served with no complaints. They were served, I ate them.
The first time, they were steamed. Everyone around the table complimented them. I poured a ton of ranch dressing on mine. Again, the disguising food trick.
The second time, they were roasted with bacon and a balsamic glaze. That helps but does not make it right.
BECAUSE THERE IS NO RIGHT!!
You know what the initials for Brussels sprouts are? BS!
Cabbage, sprouts, kale, broccoli, collard greens… They are all related, and they are all hateful BS. Can we stop pretending we like them??
Let me catch my breath so we can get on to fixin’ other foods that need fixin’.
Onions.
Onions need fixin’. Not the taste, the onion itself. We need an onion without skin.
How many times has this happened to you?
You cannot cook with an onion without the outer skin going everywhere. That needs fixin’.
Same with garlic. And while we’re fixin’ the skin on garlic, can we make it less sticky?
I love garlic! But working with it can be a mess. It sticks to your knife, it sticks to your fingers.
And you have to be very careful not to pick your nose immediately after working with garlic.
So I’ve heard.
Seems like that might need fixin’.