Something Stupid

My phone lights up. It’s that guy again.

He doesn’t call unless his hamster has hopped off the wheel. This is going to be one stoopid conversation.

“Have I ever told you how much I hate the fist bump?”

No, I haven’t heard this one.

“Fist bumping is just dumb. It’s stupid. Shake hands like a man.”

Now, there is also wrist bumping. You bump wrists, taking contact with the hand completely out of play.

He hates that. I mean, really hates it!

After listening to his rant for a couple of minutes, it’s time for me to do what I do best: Enhance a life.

I will do this by imparting knowledge and wisdom.

You see, when you play golf with dudes - especially old dudes - there are certain situations that arise. Situations that can be best addressed with a quick trip into the trees.

This is quite natural, of course, but weak bladders and aging prostates mixed with a couple or ten beers may translate into several trips during a round of golf.

Here’s where it becomes problematic.

At the conclusion of the round, it is customary before departing the 18th green to shake hands with all of your playing partners.

You see where we’re going with this, don’t you?

I know where that hand has been. And I may even know how many times it’s been there.

I like the fist bump here because the back of your hand is the contact I’d rather make.

Actually, just writing this is giving me the willies (so to speak).

I think from now on, I’m just going to start bowing to my partners.