Potty Talk

I realize I have a lot to say about bathrooms.

Could be because I spend so much time in there, but let’s say it’s because so many people do so many things wrong.

Allow me to do what I do so well: enhance your life.

We’ll start with the hang. Toilet paper should hang over, not under.

Why would you want to go on a diggin’ expedition to find the end when it can be hanging right there in front of you?

Another gripe: cheaping out on TP.

I worked for a guy that bought the cheapest stuff he could find. It was just one step beyond plywood.

On a positive note, employees weren’t stealing it.

Sheet separation = cheap!!

Toilet paper is used on what is absolutely the most sensitive areas of your body. You should settle for nothing less than oh, that’s nice!

Skip a meal. Skip a house payment. Take a second job. Your bum deserves the best.

Speaking of ya’ bum…

Let’s revisit the bidet.

Since we travel Europe frequently, I am very much aware of bidets. They are a thing over there.

Personally, I shy away from using them. I’m just not sure why you want to get that area wet unless you're in the shower washing everything. Seems counter-intuitive.

A younger brother who spent some of his military time in Europe loves them. He’s gone all mack daddy on his toilet.

His super-duper bidet has a remote control that allows for setting water temp, seat temp, lower pressure for kids, auto-sequence for washing and drying, night light, deodorizing, sound, aerated spray during wash and massage effect (the butt spritz icon) during wash.

I did not ask him to explain the ‘sound.’ Seems like there’s already enough sounds in the bathroom.

Or is that just me?

Somehow, I got caught up recently in a discussion with my 20-something year old cousin and her friends about bidets. One had recently retrofitted her toilet with one and loved it. Another was considering doing the same thing.

It prompted me to prose.

I am not opposed to the French bidet
You find them in many nice places you stay
They tidy your hiney in their own special way
But so does toilet paper.