A long-time listener from the time I spent on the radio
emailed recently. “I’ve got something for you,” she wrote.
I know her just well enough to know we share a similar sense
of humor, so we set up a meeting: Wednesday, 1 p.m. in the beer and wine aisle
at a local grocery store. (Why not do some meaningful shopping while you wait,
eh?)
What she had for me was a prescription for alcohol. I had no
idea such a thing existed. Dated 1927, that would place this artifact squarely
in the middle of the prohibition era for the United States, a time when alcohol
became mostly illegal.
Best I can tell from my twenty seconds of research, the
government did allow for alcohol – mostly whiskey and brandy – to be distilled
for pharmaceutical use during prohibition, starting in 1920. Cancer,
indigestion, depression… it apparently was the fix for numerous ailments.
This particular prescription called for one tablespoon three
times a day. Pardon me for saying so, but that amount would be just about
enough to pi** off a real drinking man. (I’m guessing.)
It did, however, start me wondering about the creative ways
one might have obtained such a prescription back then.
“Doc, my Model T’s done throwed a wheel, so looks like I’ll
be walking to work. Can you give me something for my sore feet?”
“Doc, my girl’s done hauled off and joined one of them
travelin’ hoochie-coochie shows. Can you give me something to ease the shame?”
“Doctor, my best layin’ hen ain’t puttin’ out eggs no more. What
am I gonna do?”
“You’re gonna get you another hen”, says the doctor. “Meantime,
take this three times a day.”
Historians seem to generally agree that prescription alcohol
was a racket. You paid your doctor for the prescription then you paid the
pharmacist for the elixir. The doctors and druggists were getting rich; you
were getting your buzz on. Everyone was
happy, I suppose.
I wouldn’t be. And here’s why:
A tablespoon is half a fluid ounce. Therefore, three tablespoons would be an
ounce and a half. A standard jigger is an ounce and a half. A jigger is also
known as a shot glass. Conclusion: the doctor was prescribing a shot a day that
you would basically divide into three sips.
One. Shot.
If my doctor prescribed that for me, I’d take it. But then I’d
fling the shot glass at his head. Let’s see if one shot is enough for his pain.