I’ve held this in all I can. Hold my beer while I let this beast out.
I am a live and let live guy, but I’ve been watching this ongoing corruption of our family households long enough.
What’s finally taken me over the edge is offering to grill burgers for the neighbors. My (now former) friend asks what he can bring, then makes a suggestion.
“How ‘bout throwing some green tomatoes on the grill with the burgers?”
I have a better idea. How ‘bout throwing yourself off a real tall building.
With ‘pearls’ of fresh mozzarella. Fresh moz should be banished from the cheese family. Great mouth-feel, zero taste.
The trend has been growing for a number of years, and I’ve sat quietly in the corner. Today, I’m taking a stand.
Vegetables have no place on the grill.
None. Nada. Zip. Stop it.
I get roasting certain vegetables, like carrots. But roasting involves an oven, not a grill.
A grill is made for meat and meat alone.
Things that don’t belong on the grill: tomatoes, potatoes, zucchini, squash, eggplant, broccoli, cauliflower, and okra.
Green tomatoes and okra are only properly prepared when fried. Most all of the other veggies mentioned should be mixed with mushroom soup, gobs of cheese, topped with crumbled Ritz crackers and baked.
In the oven.
Grilled eggplant and zucchini. Only edible with large amounts of ranch dressing.
Foods are not automatically interchangeable in preparation, as some cooks want you to believe.
For instance, carrots are delicious in a cake. But ever eaten a chicken cake? Then why put carrots on a grill?
Speaking of foul (fowl) things, one more before I quit.
For several years, we visited (now former) friends on Sunday nights. Homemade pizza on Sunday night is their family tradition and we were happy to be included. They’ve quit inviting us, and I don’t miss them.
They started grilling the pizza.
Look, y’all. I’m fine with whatever you do in the privacy of your own home, just don’t try to convert me.
And they shouldn’t be doing it in front of their two children who are growing up thinking pizza on the grill is okay.
What we are seeing is a long, slow erosion of our traditional values. American values built on cheese, frying stuff and sizzling animal flesh on a hot grill.
That’s my America.
What’s currently happening to the American grill has the marks of French or Mediterranean kitchen liberalism all over it.
Some would call those grill marks.
Fine. Just don’t call me to eat it.