The Basement Dwellers

Through the years, our basement has seen a parade of trolls. Most of them are related to us. All of them looking for cheap rent in our college town.

The space is nicely furnished, and as good hosts we’ve always thrown food down the steps for them to gnaw on.

But we’ve come to realize something extraordinary is happening down there. Over and over, we’ve witnessed ordinary students emerge from that basement as something bigger. Something special.

It’s as though our basement is an incubator of greatness.

Here’s a partial list of what’s hatched:

-An entomologist
-A state representative
-An engineer
-A nurse
-A nonprofit professional working on international AI policy

So what’s really happening down there?

A theory: I believe that my genius is actually a contagious disease, spreading through the house, infecting all who occupy. Call it ‘the grip of greatness.’ It’s inescapable.

In the process leaving the cocoon at the moment is a niece who is heading off to medical school to become a physician’s assistant.

So, it’s transition time. And the new guest was a surprise.

A turtle. A slider turtle.

It belongs to a nephew who hasn’t fully moved in yet, but his turtle has. It lives in an aquarium and is named Tito. Even without any clear indication it’s a girl, I call it Molly Turtle, after the popular bluegrass musician, Molly Tuttle.

While a turtle is a technical violation of our no-pets policy, it won’t crap on the carpet, so we’re letting it slide. (Get it? Slider turtle… we’re letting it slide… That’s the comic genius I offer.)

I think a college-age dude with a pet turtle speaks volumes about that person, but I’m not sure I can interpret it.

Until he could get permanently moved in, he wanted us to feed it. No can do, pal. As Michael Jackson sang…

If you can’t feed the turtle
Then don’t have the turtle…

Something like that.

So he got his girlfriend to drop in and feed it.

Having your girlfriend drive across town every other day to feed your turtle also speak volumes, and I think I can interpret this one.

It says a college guy with a pet turtle can get a girlfriend.

I would have guessed otherwise.

Especially this one. He’s a genuine science nerd. Before he was shaving, he was building things with a 3-D printer. Already set up in the basement is a 6-foot whiteboard, just like Sheldon and Leonard used on The Big Bang Theory.

It appears he’s planning to attack something with ping pong balls.
I added the side note.

For all the teasing, I’m a bit excited to see what’s in store. He’s good at figuring things out. Plus, that ‘grip of greatness’ thingy. He’s already won just by being in the house.

I’m about to spring my first idea on him. The code name of the project is LTL.

Stands for Lunar Turtle Landing.

Farewell Tito!