Here’s an interesting problem you’ve likely never heard before. I am sincerely happier now than I have ever been in my life.
PROBLEM?
It’s a problem because I don’t know if it’s real (permanent) or not real (temporary).
The conundrum:
REAL
After bouts with three different cancers over the last 30 years, could it be that through these episodes you have come to terms with the fact that you won’t live forever and need to live your best life now? And that love out loud is your chosen expression of happiness? Congratulations! You gotten mellow as you’ve aged.
NOT REAL
This change has mostly come about in the past year while being treated for prostate cancer. Drugs are involved. Specifically, hormones. You do not produce testosterone. No T = no machismo, no aggression. When your treatments are done and your testosterone returns, so will the old Tibby. Until that happens, you are basically a nice old lady.*
That last scenario has been discussed with friends and family members who have noticed the change, including my wife. The old lady comment aside, I can’t help but wonder if maybe it is very true.
WHY IT MATTERS
I am different. I’m kinder, more empathetic. I love more now, expressing love more openly than ever before.
If you are anywhere in my orbit, I want you to feel that from me. James Taylor sings ‘shower the people you love with love.” I’m trying.
THE EXAMINATION
Okay, if it’s not the drugs, the treatments, how did you get to this place?
Without going into a lot of detail, I’m guessing spiritual development.
In the last 20 or so years, I’ve gotten very interested in religious and spiritual thought outside of my traditional Southern Baptist upbringing. (You can raise your eyebrows over that. Tibby = deep spiritual thinker is not on anybody’s Bingo card.)
OK, maybe this one
It has brought me a very peaceful understanding that death is as much a part of the circle of life as birth. I neither dread nor fear it.
I also accept the reality that I’m likely playing in the 4th quarter of my life. Accepting that means there is less time to show you love and tell you I love you.
I’m-a gonna do both. So I sincerely want this to be real.
THE OTHER POSSIBILITY
Over the past 30 years, I’ve had radiation from my head to my butt, been juiced with whatever chemicals were in my chemotherapies and currently have various hormones coursing through my veins.
All that’s gotta affect me somehow, doesn’t it?
I WIN AGAIN
It appears I’m once again cancer-free.
What I was originally told could be multi-year or even permanent hormone therapy is coming to an end after one year since there is no evidence of cancer.
And while I’m thrilled that these #$@%$*! hot flashes will finally be ending, this brings us to the grand question of what will happen when Sir Tibby the Neutered is given back his manhood.
Before we run that scenario, how about some No-T jokes?
How many Viagra does a No-T guy take before a night of fun?
Answer: None. They are all expired.
What does a No-T man do when his hot wife steps out of the shower?
Answer: Keeps brushing his teeth.
Wheee! Now back to the question.
When the testosterone returns, will the old (but loveable!) grumpy, sardonic, sarcastic, cynical, snarky - and a bunch of other synonyms - me return?
I was really quite fond of that guy, but if I’m happier now than I’ve ever been, why would we want him back?
The title of this tale is a play on a fun Keb’ Mo’ song entitled ‘Old Me Better.’ The title in the song is sung, “I like the old me better.”
Not me. But we’ll see.
I’ve asked two friends who have noticed the changes to re-evaluate me in 6 months. I’ll even let them write that report here.
‘Til then, I’ll say it again. I like the new me better.
*When this latest journey was getting started, I wrote about The Girlification of Tibby. Enjoy it on your next bathroom break.